This revelation came to me after a recent quarrel. I found the urge to blame myself for “causing” someone to react how they did. Only because I chose to react in a particular way.
Then I thought to myself, “children place blame”. Since they are still learning about responsibility.
While I was taking responsibility for my own actions, I was also trying to take responsibility for another’s actions on top of my own. I was viewing the cause of their actions as reaction to my actions. Which, ultimately, is their choice and responsibility.
Somewhere along the line, maybe it felt responsible for me to take the blame for someone else’s actions. This thought pattern felt comfortable and it was easy to fall back into. Maybe I had learned unhealthy responsibility, or took on too much. Either way is plausible.
Explaining it can only do so much though. I mean think about the word itself: B-Lame. It’s just lame to do it to yourself or another person.
Instead, I recommend that you accept what happened. Tell yourself, “it’s okay” because it’s in the past by now. Then, instead of ruminating in the feelings, try to take responsibility by making better personal choices.
Take it as a learning experience and move forward. Because THAT IS responsible behavior. Telling yourself, I forgive and love myself enough to do better next time.
Even if you feel you “messed up”. Repeat the process. “It’s okay, what can I do about it now?” Then keep making those choices until you get it right!
How to you release blame from your life? Any other ways you take responsibility in your own life? Let me know below. Feel free to share this if it resonates with you or feel it would help someone else!